How Not to Write a Yaoi Lemon
by SteelDolls
Summary: Len x Gakupo. The author is being cheeky. This is how not to write a yaoi lemon scene. Warnings: Shameless exploitation of multiple fanfic pet peeves, contains blantantly unrealistic/stupid yaoi lemon, out of character interactions.


_Another author and I (who will remain unnamed unless he notices this, and offers permission to be identified) were discussing pet peeves in regards to fanfiction lemon scenes via PM. For the sake of amusement, I decided to illustrate my point by going overboard, and typed up a quick scene in PM of two characters getting it on the "wrong way."_

 _It entertained me enough that I decided to go ahead and flesh it out, to post it obnoxiously for other readers to "enjoy" on my page. Pfft. This will probably be a one-shot, and even that is probably way too much. -.-;_

 _This is, How Not to Write a Yaoi Lemon (or, "Really, Guys? So That's How It's Done...")_

 _Enjoy or mock, if you care to, review._

...

The two Vocaloids stared at each other. They thought they would faint in the middle of the street.

They were so good looking. Thought the smaller male.

Where have you been all my life thought the other male and narrowed hsi eyes.

"You are so good looking," Len told Gakupo. He thought he might be instantly in love.

"You are also good looking, Len-chan," Gakupo said back, smiling approvingly and licking his lips. "Would you like to be my boyfriend?"

"I am glad I just passed you by on the street. I would love to be your boyfriend. My name is Len Kamininopolisekazinsky," Len replied and sauntered over to Gakupo. He picked the purple-haired male Vocaloid up, bridal-style, and carried him to his apartment in his red Mercedez Benz. Gakupo was so impressed with Len's car.

"My name is Gakupo." Gakupo said, kissing Len passionatyly.

"I am carrying you to bed, now," Len said, and placed Gakupo gently on the expensive, name brand, black silk sheets on the bed. He started to take off his name brand, impressively expensive shirt. Len would only buy the best things or he refused to have it.

Gakupo drooled at Len. "I am very horny right now, let's make hot sexy love."

"Yes, my purple princess darling sexpot sweetie," Len smiled and quickly took off all of Gakupo's clothes. Gakupo was naked.

"I am embarassed," Gakupo said, and tried to cover himself ineffectually. "I want to ravage your body." Gakupo jumped up and pinned Len against the bed.

"You are the best kisser I have ever experienced," Len panted.

"This is my first kiss, you are also such a good kisser, Len-chan." Gakupo smiled at Len and stuck his tongue back down Len's throat. The Vocaloid moaned loudly.

"I love you, Gakupo," Len cried out, clutching Gakupo to him. He straddled Gakupo's hips. "I am going to make you scream in pleasure."

"Ok," Gakupo agreed instantly.

(This is the author HEEY GUYS look I love Gakupo and Len together they are both so hawt lolz. I want to take a moment and tell you about my goldfish who I named Len, he is just so sexy like Len too. And also! I like Gakupo but his hair is very long. I hope you are enjoying the story I have writeen 4 more chapters but I will not post them yet unless I get 10 reviews. winks so enjoy the chapter guys!)

"You are so sexy, Len-chan!" Gakupo cried out and arched his back. "Let's have sex right now!"

"Yeah," Len smiled and licked his lips. He was completely naked.

"Your clothes are gone," Gakupo asked in surprise.

"Sometimes that happens," Len answered, "When the author forgets to mention it. They are magical clothes."

"Oh I see," Gakupo panted and kissed Len deeply. Len cried out it felt so good.

"I am going to put my meat stick in your honey bun," Len panted and aimed his 11" cock at Gakupo's butt. "I'm pretty good and big it will feel amazing to you."

"That sounds good to me," Gakupo agreed and Len shoved it roughly inside in one go. "I am a virgin."

"Oh! Ah! No, it's too tight, Len-chan!" Gakupo cried out as Len puished deeply inside all at once.

"Just relax. And it will feel good," Len panted.

"Oh, you're right! I relaxed instantly; all I needed was that verbal instruction. Thank goodness you told me that. Now I'm good to go. Worry about nothing and go in as hard and fast as you want. This is my first time." Gakupo stated calmly, blushing and panting heavily.

"Yes, that's right, take it. It is also my first time. Do you like my banana sword Gakupo," Len asked and shoved all the way inside. Gakupo was getting very wet it felt amazing. Len shoved every last inch of his cock inside Gakupo with great ease and no discomfort.

"Yes I love it, you are so good" Gakupo cried out and panted, moaning loudly.

"Do you like it," Len asked, and rammed his huge boner into Gakupo's asshole, loving it.

"Yes! Oh! DADDY!" Gakupo screamed out in joy. "I am such a slut! I'm coming almost instantly! Yes! Pork me harder, you are the best cock I ever had Len-chan! Harder, daddy!" Gakupo screamed even louder.

"I am coming at the exact same moment! We are joined in our mutual passion!" Len panted and came hard. He fell on top of Gakupo, they both panted and sweated.

"I love you," Len said to Gakupo, holding him lovingly, "Because we just had sex."

"I love you too. Now that we have had sex once, I will no longer require lubrication or preparation before you enter me again next time," Gakupo smiled at Len.

"Marry me," Len said, his eyes full of passion and he kissed Gakupo.

"That sounds like a fantastic idea. Let's invite all of our previously-unmentioned friends who are major characters, and they will all cry with emotion as you carry me from the altar, bridal-style," Gakupo said, loving the idea.

"Sounds good to me. Let's play sappy romantic songs which are completely out of character for us, and cry at them, too, when we slow dance together after the wedding, and everyone watches us envously. Then we can fuck some more, while making up even more disgustingly cute pet names for each other on the spot that are completely out of character, have no basis in our characters' histories with each other, and are actually somewhat insulting-sounding. But we will pretend that they are romantic, and hold each other tightly," Len planned.

Gakupo sighed that soudned wonderful.

"Yes, I agree. It is a plan. Would "my princess" work for you, as a masculine sounding pet name for a male seme? Now, let's fuck again, there is lots of time left before the dawn, and I plan to come 27 more times before then. Because I am freaking superman, and have unlimited quantities of come stored in my ballsack of holding." Gakupo smiled tenderly at Len.

"I also have unlimited quantities of come in my ballsack, and I do not require time to recharge or recover in between fucking. Let's have sexy boner sex, Gaku-poo!" Len squealed and hugged Gakupo then began sucking him off enthusiastically, taking in every inch without gagging or choking and loving it.

"Take me," Gakupo said passionately.

"Yes," Len said, and the two started to fuck again in earnest all the way until morning, not sleeping or taking any breaks to recover, to get drinks of water, to sleep, or even to take a piss. When the morning came they took a shower together it was the best shower ever and was very hott for both of them and they had more sex. The end

...

 _Kaito: *vein throbs in his head* Master..._

 _Yes, I know. I do, I actually do know._

 _Kaito: *puts his head in his hands*_

 _Facepalm... "when there are no words to describe the dismay" xD_

 _Kaito: This was terrible. You realize that nobody who clicks on it will make it all the way to the end. ..I am going back to bed, screw this._

 _Kaito, you made a pun! Hahaha!_

 _Kaito: -.- *closes the door after him*_


End file.
